Barsexuality is the new black.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
