Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
