Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
