Welp...herpes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think my moral compass just broke
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
