This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
