playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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