God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
