my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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