I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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