I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
