somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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