OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
