can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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