bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
