Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
