I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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