The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They took my balls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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