I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
