a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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