I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
