All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
