I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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