I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Send help, water and tortillas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
