good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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