Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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