And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
