you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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