never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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