I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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