Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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