Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sarcasm needs its own font
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
