so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The air was thick with penises
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
