i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
