i permit you to call me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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