all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
