I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
