In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
