Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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