I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
