Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
