I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
