I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
