The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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