I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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