I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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