I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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