I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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