I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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