I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
