FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
