Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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